sick kids make me sick

Why do parents think it is so cute to make their babies and toddlers kiss all of their relatives before they leave or go to bed? This is disgusting. They are always covered with drool. And now I have the stomach flu because of a stupid parent who knew her kid was sick (and didn't bother telling anyone) but she made us all give "good night kisses" anyway. UGH!!!

the in-laws

Easter with the future in-laws. Each time we visit them I am glad they live a few hours away. I am sure I will have a change of heart when I have children and no relatives nearby to help out.

Oh The Shame!

I am one of those people who ALWAYS brings reusable shopping bags to the store. I have been doing this for a couple of years now and I live in an area where this is just now starting to catch on. It is a rare occasion that I see another person at the grocery with reusable bags. Normally, I try to be understanding of others and not judgemental - hey, no one is perfect. But when I am in line at the checkout and the person in front of or behind me has a basket full of groceries and answers the question "Paper or plastic?" with "Plastic please.", I will often give that person a look of contempt. I know, I know, it's wrong of me to judge. But I justify it for myself by thinking that maybe it will guilt them into switching to reusable bags... I am sure you are thinking that I need to get off my high horse.... Well today I was brought back down to Earth.

I stopped at the grocery on my way home from getting my hair cut to pick up two items - a tube of Burt's Bees Lip Balm and a bottle of Giovanni PureOrganic Leave-In Conditioner. I would normally not bring in a bag for just two small items, especially when one of those items is small enough to fit in my purse. At the checkout, I would just say "I don't need a bag." and be on my way. So - I did not bring any bags with me.
Well, while I was getting my hair cut, LLB texted me to let me know that we also needed a few more items. I actually debated with myself if it would be better for me to drive all the way home to get a reusable bag, or to just use a paper bag this one time. Considering that the grocery is right next to the salon, I came to the conclusion that it was ok to use a paper bag this one time - hey at least I can compost it.
So I go about my business, getting all of the required items. When I get to the checkout, I see that the lady in front of me has reusable bags. My initial reaction was one of excitement! I was so glad to see that there are others out there like me! I could have just kicked myself for not having my bags so that she and I could make eye contact and feel a sense of connection for both caring about the environment! But oh well, hopefully she will appreciate that I am not going to get a PLASTIC (yuck!) bag.
When it is my turn at the checkout, the nice young girl behind the register starts ringing my items. Having not been prompted, I made sure to tell her "Paper please." so that she did not get it wrong. That little brat tells me "I'm sorry ma'am, we are out of paper. We only have plastic."!!! My new friend (who at this point in time still had not even acknowledged my existence) is at the end of the bagging area still putting her reusable bags into her cart - and turns and gives me the most demeaning look I have ever witnessed! Panicked, I look to the person behind me for some comfort, but she has reusable bags too - and is giving me that same look!!! Oh how I wanted to slap that snotty little checkout girl (who was actually very sweet and polite) and crawl under her register counter and hide until the two judgemental tree hugging bitches had left!!!
So I answered the poor girl behind the register with a small "ok." and jammed all of my items as quickly as I could into my stupid plastic bag while she was ringing my credit card. Then of course she couldn't find a pen - purposely delaying my escape! I sign that damn receipt and get the hell outta there!!!!

Lesson learned: Karma's a bitch.

PostSecret

When I feel down, I go to the PostSecret Blog: postsecret.blogspot.com. Everytime I do, there is at least one post that I can relate to and it makes me feel so much better to know that someone else has the same thoughts as me.

Bored With Life

Sometimes I just feel tired of being me. I think about what it would be like to just move away - sometimes it's to a big city like NYC or Chicago, sometimes it's to Hawaii or California - but I just think about what it would be like. I think about how I could start a new life and make all new friends and no one would know me. I think about how LLB and I would only have each other.
There are lots of other differences between these daydream-lives and my real life. I am getting married soon and plan to start a family soon after that, and my daydream-life usually involves not having children. It's not that I don't ever want to have children, clearly I do want to and that is why I am planning to. But I think about what it would be like to not ever have any. I sometimes think about what it would be like to not be able to have children. I know that it is terrible to say because there are people who suffer from infertility who desperately want children, but I sometimes think I would feel so free if I found out I was unable to have children. I do feel guilty for thinking that, but I have got to be honest and just admit that I do think about it.
Another daydream I have is about what I would do if I ever won the lottery. Would I work? What trips would I go on? This is a bit of an internal battle I have with myself because I think about all the places I would be able to visit - but then I think about how I would not want to leave my dog to do all of this traveling. Another internal battle - I would not want to work, but I would want to teach my children the dignity of hard work. I would want to teach them that you earn money and that it is not just handed to you. Would I buy a different house or would I fix this house up and just stay here? Who would I give money to and how much? Which of my dreams would I make reality? Would I open an animal rescue? Would I own a cafe or a boutique? Would I buy an old run down building downtown and fix it up to be a stylish mixed-use complex with retail, restaurants, office spaces and lofts? Would I volunteer for non-profits and charities?
I hope that thinking about what your life could be like is normal - I hope it is not a sign of instability or depression or something. I hope that I am on the right path and that the monotony of daily life doesn't get to me and eventually drive me crazy. I am really young and I am scared that I am getting bored with life. What is going to happen if I keep feeling this way for the rest of my life - or worse, what is going to happen if this feeling intensifies over the course of my life? I feel like we always do the exact same thing and we never do anything exciting or fulfilling. So I daydream about what it would be like to live a different life.

Integrity

Integrity:

Honesty - Say what you mean
Transparency - Mean what you say
Credibility - Do what you say


Integrity is a word that is used frequently in conversation about values. However, it is a concept that seems to be difficult for some to live by. Is it ironic that using the word integrity to describe the values of a person who does not actually have integrity actually shows a lack of integrity? I wonder about this just about every day...

The First Little Sunny Faces

The first little sunny faces of spring have smiled. I have about 5 to 7 daffodils just smiling away on the south side of my house. Their trumpets reach breezily for the sky while their ruffly collars playfully tickle each other and they sway like they have not a care in the world.

Seeking To Understand

Two people that I have known for a very long time - mother and nay, are notorious for running away from their problems. It drives me bonkers. If there is any potential for conflict, they will avoid the situation like the plague. For some reason, I did not inherit this trait. Don't get me wrong - I do not enjoy or even look forward to facing conflict. However, I believe strongly in facing your fears and solving your problems. I believe that the only way to possibly be happy is to prevent hidden feelings. I do not mean to say that we should all say exactly what we are thinking at all times. Of course there are times when it is appropriate to tell a white lie - or better yet, to just keep quiet. What I mean is that when we experience an emotion that it unpleasant, we should communicate that to the person who we feel has caused it. More times than not, that person did not intend to cause the emotion. More times than not, if a person is made aware, in a calm but assertive manner, that they caused an undesirable emotion, that person will work to correct the situation. I believe that all people just want to be understood. And that the only way to be understood is to seek to understand others. It is impossible to completely understand another person without communicating to them the impact that they have on you.

Both of the aforementioned people are terribly passive aggressive. I find this to be an incredibly counterproductive method of expressing emotions. I find it to be much quicker and simpler to solve a dispute or a disagreement just by going straight to the person and communicating what you understand their case to be and asking them if your understanding is correct. If it is, then you have an opportunity to explain why you disagree. If your understanding is incorrect, then they have the opportunity to rectify the misunderstanding.

Why do people do things that make them unhappy? I am afraid that I will never understand this, as much as I try.

The Fear of the Unknown

I am a person who needs a creative outlet. I mean I really, truly need one. If I don't have a way to do something creative, I start getting antsy and anxious and I get a little depressed. My problem is that there is no consistency in my creative outlets. Sometimes it is cooking, which is a good one because I have to eat so I might as well be creative with it. But sometimes this just isn't enough. Two outlets I have been using lately are card making and jewelry making. I love both.
The card making is out of necessity due to a particular event that I am preparing for. It is fun and fulfilling. However, I have mixed feelings about cards. When I receive cards (store bought ones) I throw them away (in recycling of course). I do not like to give cards - I feel like they are a waste of paper and resources. So once this event that I am preparing for has passed, I will most likely not make cards any more except for very special occasions.
The jewelry making I absolutely love. I have been doing this on and off for about 15 years. This is probably the most fulfilling way for me to be creative. My problem with it is that it can get expensive. I love it though and think that the expense can be justified in that I am providing myself a type of therapy along with creating jewelry that I would otherwise be replacing with store bought items. I have considered - no actually the correct word is dreamt - I have dreamt of making and selling jewelry. Selling my creations would allow me to be even more creative because I would not only be making jewelry to fit my particular style, but also the styles of others. The expense of the hobby might also be paid for if I were to do this. I just have not had the guts to JUST DO IT. I think about it and dream about it, but never take any steps toward doing it. I guess I just don't know where to begin and the fear of the unknown is holding me back.

We have exactly enough time, starting now

I recently sat in on a viewing of Thomas L. Friedman's talk in Washington D.C. about his book Hot, Flat, and Crowded. This book is definitely on my to-read list. Please watch this video. It is about an hour long, but it won't feel like it. If nothing else, at least look at the first slide...

The statistics really make you think. One of the statistics Friedman shares is that by the year 2020, there will be one Billion (emphasis on the "B") more people on the earth. Friedman talks about what this addition to our population will do to our supply of resources - especially if we don't change how we live. Ok, there is quite a bit of controversy about "global warming", which should really be referred to as "climate change" (the book/video supports this as well). My thought is - forget about Global Warming, Climate Change, Global "Weirding", or whatever you want to call it - even if that is all a hoax, we have got to do SOMETHING! Our planet simply cannot support our current standard of living for much longer. So I am probably often called a "tree-hugger" or a "hippie-dippie", but I truly believe that we ALL have a responsibility to take care of this earth that was given to us as a gift that has the ability to support life. The planet actually has the ability to support life indefinitely if we just take care of it rather than deplete it of it's life supporting elements. I urge all to at least watch this video, and if it moves you as it has moved me, you will want to read the book.