Bored With Life

Sometimes I just feel tired of being me. I think about what it would be like to just move away - sometimes it's to a big city like NYC or Chicago, sometimes it's to Hawaii or California - but I just think about what it would be like. I think about how I could start a new life and make all new friends and no one would know me. I think about how LLB and I would only have each other.
There are lots of other differences between these daydream-lives and my real life. I am getting married soon and plan to start a family soon after that, and my daydream-life usually involves not having children. It's not that I don't ever want to have children, clearly I do want to and that is why I am planning to. But I think about what it would be like to not ever have any. I sometimes think about what it would be like to not be able to have children. I know that it is terrible to say because there are people who suffer from infertility who desperately want children, but I sometimes think I would feel so free if I found out I was unable to have children. I do feel guilty for thinking that, but I have got to be honest and just admit that I do think about it.
Another daydream I have is about what I would do if I ever won the lottery. Would I work? What trips would I go on? This is a bit of an internal battle I have with myself because I think about all the places I would be able to visit - but then I think about how I would not want to leave my dog to do all of this traveling. Another internal battle - I would not want to work, but I would want to teach my children the dignity of hard work. I would want to teach them that you earn money and that it is not just handed to you. Would I buy a different house or would I fix this house up and just stay here? Who would I give money to and how much? Which of my dreams would I make reality? Would I open an animal rescue? Would I own a cafe or a boutique? Would I buy an old run down building downtown and fix it up to be a stylish mixed-use complex with retail, restaurants, office spaces and lofts? Would I volunteer for non-profits and charities?
I hope that thinking about what your life could be like is normal - I hope it is not a sign of instability or depression or something. I hope that I am on the right path and that the monotony of daily life doesn't get to me and eventually drive me crazy. I am really young and I am scared that I am getting bored with life. What is going to happen if I keep feeling this way for the rest of my life - or worse, what is going to happen if this feeling intensifies over the course of my life? I feel like we always do the exact same thing and we never do anything exciting or fulfilling. So I daydream about what it would be like to live a different life.

Silver Lining

I feel a bit sorry for people who refuse to find the silver lining. So often, a difficult situation is actually an opportunity to learn, teach, and grow. I do not understand why anyone would WANT to first look to how a situation causes them hardship, unfairness, or inconvenience. I believe that we create our own luck and that we are all responsible for our own happiness. Life is what you make of it. If you decide that it is full of sunshine, flowers and butterflies, music, and love - then that is what your life will be. I catch myself becoming defensive and upset with people and I am working to recognize those feelings before they effect my mindset. I want to be able to stop those feelings from taking over and blurring my vision. I am too often reactive rather than proactive. I use writing as an outlet for my emotions. I tend to allow myself to get worked up about things that I could be using as opportunities to learn, teach, and grow. I struggle with this. I spill my emotions all over the page or screen without first contemplating the cause of such emotions. My goal is to eventually be at such peace, that when a person presents me with an opportunity to learn their point of view and frame of reference, I will take advantage of that opportunity rather than succumb to the emotions that prevent me from learning.