Integrity

Integrity:

Honesty - Say what you mean
Transparency - Mean what you say
Credibility - Do what you say


Integrity is a word that is used frequently in conversation about values. However, it is a concept that seems to be difficult for some to live by. Is it ironic that using the word integrity to describe the values of a person who does not actually have integrity actually shows a lack of integrity? I wonder about this just about every day...

The First Little Sunny Faces

The first little sunny faces of spring have smiled. I have about 5 to 7 daffodils just smiling away on the south side of my house. Their trumpets reach breezily for the sky while their ruffly collars playfully tickle each other and they sway like they have not a care in the world.

Seeking To Understand

Two people that I have known for a very long time - mother and nay, are notorious for running away from their problems. It drives me bonkers. If there is any potential for conflict, they will avoid the situation like the plague. For some reason, I did not inherit this trait. Don't get me wrong - I do not enjoy or even look forward to facing conflict. However, I believe strongly in facing your fears and solving your problems. I believe that the only way to possibly be happy is to prevent hidden feelings. I do not mean to say that we should all say exactly what we are thinking at all times. Of course there are times when it is appropriate to tell a white lie - or better yet, to just keep quiet. What I mean is that when we experience an emotion that it unpleasant, we should communicate that to the person who we feel has caused it. More times than not, that person did not intend to cause the emotion. More times than not, if a person is made aware, in a calm but assertive manner, that they caused an undesirable emotion, that person will work to correct the situation. I believe that all people just want to be understood. And that the only way to be understood is to seek to understand others. It is impossible to completely understand another person without communicating to them the impact that they have on you.

Both of the aforementioned people are terribly passive aggressive. I find this to be an incredibly counterproductive method of expressing emotions. I find it to be much quicker and simpler to solve a dispute or a disagreement just by going straight to the person and communicating what you understand their case to be and asking them if your understanding is correct. If it is, then you have an opportunity to explain why you disagree. If your understanding is incorrect, then they have the opportunity to rectify the misunderstanding.

Why do people do things that make them unhappy? I am afraid that I will never understand this, as much as I try.

The Fear of the Unknown

I am a person who needs a creative outlet. I mean I really, truly need one. If I don't have a way to do something creative, I start getting antsy and anxious and I get a little depressed. My problem is that there is no consistency in my creative outlets. Sometimes it is cooking, which is a good one because I have to eat so I might as well be creative with it. But sometimes this just isn't enough. Two outlets I have been using lately are card making and jewelry making. I love both.
The card making is out of necessity due to a particular event that I am preparing for. It is fun and fulfilling. However, I have mixed feelings about cards. When I receive cards (store bought ones) I throw them away (in recycling of course). I do not like to give cards - I feel like they are a waste of paper and resources. So once this event that I am preparing for has passed, I will most likely not make cards any more except for very special occasions.
The jewelry making I absolutely love. I have been doing this on and off for about 15 years. This is probably the most fulfilling way for me to be creative. My problem with it is that it can get expensive. I love it though and think that the expense can be justified in that I am providing myself a type of therapy along with creating jewelry that I would otherwise be replacing with store bought items. I have considered - no actually the correct word is dreamt - I have dreamt of making and selling jewelry. Selling my creations would allow me to be even more creative because I would not only be making jewelry to fit my particular style, but also the styles of others. The expense of the hobby might also be paid for if I were to do this. I just have not had the guts to JUST DO IT. I think about it and dream about it, but never take any steps toward doing it. I guess I just don't know where to begin and the fear of the unknown is holding me back.

We have exactly enough time, starting now

I recently sat in on a viewing of Thomas L. Friedman's talk in Washington D.C. about his book Hot, Flat, and Crowded. This book is definitely on my to-read list. Please watch this video. It is about an hour long, but it won't feel like it. If nothing else, at least look at the first slide...

The statistics really make you think. One of the statistics Friedman shares is that by the year 2020, there will be one Billion (emphasis on the "B") more people on the earth. Friedman talks about what this addition to our population will do to our supply of resources - especially if we don't change how we live. Ok, there is quite a bit of controversy about "global warming", which should really be referred to as "climate change" (the book/video supports this as well). My thought is - forget about Global Warming, Climate Change, Global "Weirding", or whatever you want to call it - even if that is all a hoax, we have got to do SOMETHING! Our planet simply cannot support our current standard of living for much longer. So I am probably often called a "tree-hugger" or a "hippie-dippie", but I truly believe that we ALL have a responsibility to take care of this earth that was given to us as a gift that has the ability to support life. The planet actually has the ability to support life indefinitely if we just take care of it rather than deplete it of it's life supporting elements. I urge all to at least watch this video, and if it moves you as it has moved me, you will want to read the book.

Sprawl

Urban sprawl has really taken it's toll on this city. Don't get me wrong, this is a great city - it just needs some work. It suffers from the doughnut effect. Downtown is full of beautiful buildings - not too tall, not too small, a nice mix of architectural styles. All around the edges are these "sub-divisions" or "housing editions" that are clearly plopped down onto what used to be corn fields. Every house is cut from one of three or four boring molds. The show Weeds, on Showtime, has this wonderful theme song that perfectly describes these fields of clones. It is called "Little Boxes" and it is by Malvina Reynolds. In season two, this cute little song is performed by several other artists. But I am getting off track. There are nice, large, interesting buildings downtown that would be perfect for vertical malls and cute little boutique storefronts and local restaurants with outdoor seating on the sidewalk - but they are close to empty because a ridiculous outdoor mall was built just outside of downtown. Ok, this is the Midwest. People do not like to shop outside for about 8 months out of the year because it is either raining or snowing. Now, quite a few of those stores in that outdoor mall are closing. So all of those resources to build those shops, pave those patios and walkways and that sea of parking lot, and bring all of the infrastructure/utilities to the location were wasted. All of the land that was vegetated is now sealed under the asphalt where it will never see sunshine or taste rain again. The majority of the city has about a 20 to 30 minute drive to work. Streets are congested with SUVs. Some people may ask "well why don't you move to a better city?", but I see that as running away from the problem. I have hope and I want to be a part of the solution.

It's a Dog's Life...

How refreshed I am by the simplicity of a dog's happiness. He can be on cloud nine just simply by having a loving hand to pet his belly. The highlight of his day is an energetic game of fetch or tug. He finds true beauty in nature and stops to enjoy every single smell. He has no concept of being late for work and will not be hurried on his walk because you are - and it is a nice reminder that there is so much more to life than your time clock. Sleep is never difficult for him because his head does not fill with worry or doubt. Chewy raw hides and hollowed out bones with a smidgen of peanut butter are absolute heaven. All he needs is love and trust and he will return both unconditionally. You just know that when he looks into your eyes, that he can see your soul and he never, ever judges you.

Signs of Spring

Tips of daffodil and tulip leaves poking through the mulch are bright little rays of hope shining their shades of green against the browns and blacks of the earth.

The robin's song rejuvenates the heart.

Beams of sunshine making their way through the clouds and tree branches into bedroom windows refresh and motivate.

Calming rain cleanses and washes away the winter blues and re-energizes the earth.

A Test of Faith

A couple I know recently lost their baby. She was pregnant with a few weeks to go and suddenly, the baby was no longer alive. The details are not important, other than they are told that there was nothing that they did wrong or could have done differently.

People keep saying "Wow, talk about a test of your faith" and "We all need to pray for them". I truly, completely do not mean this in a cold, callus, unsympathetic way - but I have a hard time telling someone "my prayers are with you" or anything like that. It feels so phony to me. I want to tell them that I am so incredibly sorry for them and so sad for their loss. I want to say that my heart goes out to them. It really, absolutely truly does sadden me. I could not stop crying the entire day when I found out. BUT - I do not understand the belief that this baby is in heaven or that my "prayers" are going to help her get there. When I really think hard about it, I honestly believe that this baby has simply died. Yes, it is so incredibly sad, but telling myself that she is in heaven does not make her less dead.

These are beliefs that are so hard for people to hear. When I am in a situation where I know that I cannot express my true thoughts for fear of offending or even scaring someone (that is not an exaggeration - people find it scary), I take a little time to really ponder my beliefs - yet again. I find myself questioning what I feel deep in my gut because of how appalled people would be if I shared that with them.

I talked to Sheena about it once. She is a few years younger than me and is fading out of a "party girl" phase. She is a little bit religious, but is very private about it. When I told her that I do not believe in God or heaven or hell, she said to me "that is so sad and lonely". How so? I do not feel sad or lonely about it. I just cannot make myself believe it. And I am ok with that - until someone makes me begin to question my instincts again. Then I start this process of pondering, questioning, reasoning, and finally coming back to my original beliefs...