A couple I know recently lost their baby. She was pregnant with a few weeks to go and suddenly, the baby was no longer alive. The details are not important, other than they are told that there was nothing that they did wrong or could have done differently.
People keep saying "Wow, talk about a test of your faith" and "We all need to pray for them". I truly, completely do not mean this in a cold, callus, unsympathetic way - but I have a hard time telling someone "my prayers are with you" or anything like that. It feels so phony to me. I want to tell them that I am so incredibly sorry for them and so sad for their loss. I want to say that my heart goes out to them. It really, absolutely truly does sadden me. I could not stop crying the entire day when I found out. BUT - I do not understand the belief that this baby is in heaven or that my "prayers" are going to help her get there. When I really think hard about it, I honestly believe that this baby has simply died. Yes, it is so incredibly sad, but telling myself that she is in heaven does not make her less dead.
These are beliefs that are so hard for people to hear. When I am in a situation where I know that I cannot express my true thoughts for fear of offending or even scaring someone (that is not an exaggeration - people find it scary), I take a little time to really ponder my beliefs - yet again. I find myself questioning what I feel deep in my gut because of how appalled people would be if I shared that with them.
I talked to Sheena about it once. She is a few years younger than me and is fading out of a "party girl" phase. She is a little bit religious, but is very private about it. When I told her that I do not believe in God or heaven or hell, she said to me "that is so sad and lonely". How so? I do not feel sad or lonely about it. I just cannot make myself believe it. And I am ok with that - until someone makes me begin to question my instincts again. Then I start this process of pondering, questioning, reasoning, and finally coming back to my original beliefs...
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I think some people say "my prayers are with you" and talk about a test of faith because it's what they hear other people say. I think some people say those things because they truly have a faith in God and mean them. The Bible says that man (and woman!) were made in God's image. It makes sense to me that you would feel as I think He does about the baby - sorry for the couple, sad for their loss. I believe God instilled in us the ability to have compassion on others and want to carry their pain if possible. And I believe He feels that way about us.
ReplyDeleteIn terms of the heaven thing - it is faith, to believe in something you can't see. I definitely can't prove that God exists, or heaven, or hell. I also can't prove He doesn't. I guess that falls under the bit about the process of pondering, questioning, reasoning. There's always going to be so many questions about the "big stuff" in life.
Thanks for your honesty - it's very cool that you totally opened yourself up like that.
I could never figure out if it was sadder that there was nothing after this life when you died or that you were judged for eternity on such a short amount of time here on earth. Both are so frustrating to me.
ReplyDeleteI believe in god but I am not sure that he ponders our existence all that much, but I am not sure. I have little patience with the bible but I do think prayer is cool. Maybe he is listening, maybe not.
I have learned though not to get bent by someones beliefs. If they believe I am going straight to hell because I do not believe in Jesus, I honestly cannot get upset. That is their belief, their faith. If I were religious and I got upset, it would seem to me that my own faith was not that secure that someone's belief could cause me to doubt my own.
I guess what I am getting at is if you believe that this is it, then that is the way it is and perhaps it should only start a discussion, not an argument or anger.
Thanks for the great post.
Thank you both for your comments. When I look into myself and ask "Ok, what does your heart, your gut tell you is true?", I come to the conclusion that this is it. I believe that we are all here to take care of one another and to take care of the earth for the next generations. But I cannot seem to believe that there is anything for us after our work here is complete.
ReplyDeleteI understand faith. I have faith that people want to do the right thing, whether or not they know how. I have faith that there are honest, good-willed people in the world. I have faith that we all have the strength to handle the hard things life throws at us. None of these are things I can prove or disprove. But I still believe them to be true.
I think that religion is a wonderful thing because so many people are able to make their lives better through it.
NOW . . . this moment . . .
ReplyDeleteIt is all we have.
Your heart will be your guide.
Blessings