sick kids make me sick

Why do parents think it is so cute to make their babies and toddlers kiss all of their relatives before they leave or go to bed? This is disgusting. They are always covered with drool. And now I have the stomach flu because of a stupid parent who knew her kid was sick (and didn't bother telling anyone) but she made us all give "good night kisses" anyway. UGH!!!

the in-laws

Easter with the future in-laws. Each time we visit them I am glad they live a few hours away. I am sure I will have a change of heart when I have children and no relatives nearby to help out.

Oh The Shame!

I am one of those people who ALWAYS brings reusable shopping bags to the store. I have been doing this for a couple of years now and I live in an area where this is just now starting to catch on. It is a rare occasion that I see another person at the grocery with reusable bags. Normally, I try to be understanding of others and not judgemental - hey, no one is perfect. But when I am in line at the checkout and the person in front of or behind me has a basket full of groceries and answers the question "Paper or plastic?" with "Plastic please.", I will often give that person a look of contempt. I know, I know, it's wrong of me to judge. But I justify it for myself by thinking that maybe it will guilt them into switching to reusable bags... I am sure you are thinking that I need to get off my high horse.... Well today I was brought back down to Earth.

I stopped at the grocery on my way home from getting my hair cut to pick up two items - a tube of Burt's Bees Lip Balm and a bottle of Giovanni PureOrganic Leave-In Conditioner. I would normally not bring in a bag for just two small items, especially when one of those items is small enough to fit in my purse. At the checkout, I would just say "I don't need a bag." and be on my way. So - I did not bring any bags with me.
Well, while I was getting my hair cut, LLB texted me to let me know that we also needed a few more items. I actually debated with myself if it would be better for me to drive all the way home to get a reusable bag, or to just use a paper bag this one time. Considering that the grocery is right next to the salon, I came to the conclusion that it was ok to use a paper bag this one time - hey at least I can compost it.
So I go about my business, getting all of the required items. When I get to the checkout, I see that the lady in front of me has reusable bags. My initial reaction was one of excitement! I was so glad to see that there are others out there like me! I could have just kicked myself for not having my bags so that she and I could make eye contact and feel a sense of connection for both caring about the environment! But oh well, hopefully she will appreciate that I am not going to get a PLASTIC (yuck!) bag.
When it is my turn at the checkout, the nice young girl behind the register starts ringing my items. Having not been prompted, I made sure to tell her "Paper please." so that she did not get it wrong. That little brat tells me "I'm sorry ma'am, we are out of paper. We only have plastic."!!! My new friend (who at this point in time still had not even acknowledged my existence) is at the end of the bagging area still putting her reusable bags into her cart - and turns and gives me the most demeaning look I have ever witnessed! Panicked, I look to the person behind me for some comfort, but she has reusable bags too - and is giving me that same look!!! Oh how I wanted to slap that snotty little checkout girl (who was actually very sweet and polite) and crawl under her register counter and hide until the two judgemental tree hugging bitches had left!!!
So I answered the poor girl behind the register with a small "ok." and jammed all of my items as quickly as I could into my stupid plastic bag while she was ringing my credit card. Then of course she couldn't find a pen - purposely delaying my escape! I sign that damn receipt and get the hell outta there!!!!

Lesson learned: Karma's a bitch.

PostSecret

When I feel down, I go to the PostSecret Blog: postsecret.blogspot.com. Everytime I do, there is at least one post that I can relate to and it makes me feel so much better to know that someone else has the same thoughts as me.

Bored With Life

Sometimes I just feel tired of being me. I think about what it would be like to just move away - sometimes it's to a big city like NYC or Chicago, sometimes it's to Hawaii or California - but I just think about what it would be like. I think about how I could start a new life and make all new friends and no one would know me. I think about how LLB and I would only have each other.
There are lots of other differences between these daydream-lives and my real life. I am getting married soon and plan to start a family soon after that, and my daydream-life usually involves not having children. It's not that I don't ever want to have children, clearly I do want to and that is why I am planning to. But I think about what it would be like to not ever have any. I sometimes think about what it would be like to not be able to have children. I know that it is terrible to say because there are people who suffer from infertility who desperately want children, but I sometimes think I would feel so free if I found out I was unable to have children. I do feel guilty for thinking that, but I have got to be honest and just admit that I do think about it.
Another daydream I have is about what I would do if I ever won the lottery. Would I work? What trips would I go on? This is a bit of an internal battle I have with myself because I think about all the places I would be able to visit - but then I think about how I would not want to leave my dog to do all of this traveling. Another internal battle - I would not want to work, but I would want to teach my children the dignity of hard work. I would want to teach them that you earn money and that it is not just handed to you. Would I buy a different house or would I fix this house up and just stay here? Who would I give money to and how much? Which of my dreams would I make reality? Would I open an animal rescue? Would I own a cafe or a boutique? Would I buy an old run down building downtown and fix it up to be a stylish mixed-use complex with retail, restaurants, office spaces and lofts? Would I volunteer for non-profits and charities?
I hope that thinking about what your life could be like is normal - I hope it is not a sign of instability or depression or something. I hope that I am on the right path and that the monotony of daily life doesn't get to me and eventually drive me crazy. I am really young and I am scared that I am getting bored with life. What is going to happen if I keep feeling this way for the rest of my life - or worse, what is going to happen if this feeling intensifies over the course of my life? I feel like we always do the exact same thing and we never do anything exciting or fulfilling. So I daydream about what it would be like to live a different life.

Integrity

Integrity:

Honesty - Say what you mean
Transparency - Mean what you say
Credibility - Do what you say


Integrity is a word that is used frequently in conversation about values. However, it is a concept that seems to be difficult for some to live by. Is it ironic that using the word integrity to describe the values of a person who does not actually have integrity actually shows a lack of integrity? I wonder about this just about every day...

The First Little Sunny Faces

The first little sunny faces of spring have smiled. I have about 5 to 7 daffodils just smiling away on the south side of my house. Their trumpets reach breezily for the sky while their ruffly collars playfully tickle each other and they sway like they have not a care in the world.

Seeking To Understand

Two people that I have known for a very long time - mother and nay, are notorious for running away from their problems. It drives me bonkers. If there is any potential for conflict, they will avoid the situation like the plague. For some reason, I did not inherit this trait. Don't get me wrong - I do not enjoy or even look forward to facing conflict. However, I believe strongly in facing your fears and solving your problems. I believe that the only way to possibly be happy is to prevent hidden feelings. I do not mean to say that we should all say exactly what we are thinking at all times. Of course there are times when it is appropriate to tell a white lie - or better yet, to just keep quiet. What I mean is that when we experience an emotion that it unpleasant, we should communicate that to the person who we feel has caused it. More times than not, that person did not intend to cause the emotion. More times than not, if a person is made aware, in a calm but assertive manner, that they caused an undesirable emotion, that person will work to correct the situation. I believe that all people just want to be understood. And that the only way to be understood is to seek to understand others. It is impossible to completely understand another person without communicating to them the impact that they have on you.

Both of the aforementioned people are terribly passive aggressive. I find this to be an incredibly counterproductive method of expressing emotions. I find it to be much quicker and simpler to solve a dispute or a disagreement just by going straight to the person and communicating what you understand their case to be and asking them if your understanding is correct. If it is, then you have an opportunity to explain why you disagree. If your understanding is incorrect, then they have the opportunity to rectify the misunderstanding.

Why do people do things that make them unhappy? I am afraid that I will never understand this, as much as I try.

The Fear of the Unknown

I am a person who needs a creative outlet. I mean I really, truly need one. If I don't have a way to do something creative, I start getting antsy and anxious and I get a little depressed. My problem is that there is no consistency in my creative outlets. Sometimes it is cooking, which is a good one because I have to eat so I might as well be creative with it. But sometimes this just isn't enough. Two outlets I have been using lately are card making and jewelry making. I love both.
The card making is out of necessity due to a particular event that I am preparing for. It is fun and fulfilling. However, I have mixed feelings about cards. When I receive cards (store bought ones) I throw them away (in recycling of course). I do not like to give cards - I feel like they are a waste of paper and resources. So once this event that I am preparing for has passed, I will most likely not make cards any more except for very special occasions.
The jewelry making I absolutely love. I have been doing this on and off for about 15 years. This is probably the most fulfilling way for me to be creative. My problem with it is that it can get expensive. I love it though and think that the expense can be justified in that I am providing myself a type of therapy along with creating jewelry that I would otherwise be replacing with store bought items. I have considered - no actually the correct word is dreamt - I have dreamt of making and selling jewelry. Selling my creations would allow me to be even more creative because I would not only be making jewelry to fit my particular style, but also the styles of others. The expense of the hobby might also be paid for if I were to do this. I just have not had the guts to JUST DO IT. I think about it and dream about it, but never take any steps toward doing it. I guess I just don't know where to begin and the fear of the unknown is holding me back.

We have exactly enough time, starting now

I recently sat in on a viewing of Thomas L. Friedman's talk in Washington D.C. about his book Hot, Flat, and Crowded. This book is definitely on my to-read list. Please watch this video. It is about an hour long, but it won't feel like it. If nothing else, at least look at the first slide...

The statistics really make you think. One of the statistics Friedman shares is that by the year 2020, there will be one Billion (emphasis on the "B") more people on the earth. Friedman talks about what this addition to our population will do to our supply of resources - especially if we don't change how we live. Ok, there is quite a bit of controversy about "global warming", which should really be referred to as "climate change" (the book/video supports this as well). My thought is - forget about Global Warming, Climate Change, Global "Weirding", or whatever you want to call it - even if that is all a hoax, we have got to do SOMETHING! Our planet simply cannot support our current standard of living for much longer. So I am probably often called a "tree-hugger" or a "hippie-dippie", but I truly believe that we ALL have a responsibility to take care of this earth that was given to us as a gift that has the ability to support life. The planet actually has the ability to support life indefinitely if we just take care of it rather than deplete it of it's life supporting elements. I urge all to at least watch this video, and if it moves you as it has moved me, you will want to read the book.

Sprawl

Urban sprawl has really taken it's toll on this city. Don't get me wrong, this is a great city - it just needs some work. It suffers from the doughnut effect. Downtown is full of beautiful buildings - not too tall, not too small, a nice mix of architectural styles. All around the edges are these "sub-divisions" or "housing editions" that are clearly plopped down onto what used to be corn fields. Every house is cut from one of three or four boring molds. The show Weeds, on Showtime, has this wonderful theme song that perfectly describes these fields of clones. It is called "Little Boxes" and it is by Malvina Reynolds. In season two, this cute little song is performed by several other artists. But I am getting off track. There are nice, large, interesting buildings downtown that would be perfect for vertical malls and cute little boutique storefronts and local restaurants with outdoor seating on the sidewalk - but they are close to empty because a ridiculous outdoor mall was built just outside of downtown. Ok, this is the Midwest. People do not like to shop outside for about 8 months out of the year because it is either raining or snowing. Now, quite a few of those stores in that outdoor mall are closing. So all of those resources to build those shops, pave those patios and walkways and that sea of parking lot, and bring all of the infrastructure/utilities to the location were wasted. All of the land that was vegetated is now sealed under the asphalt where it will never see sunshine or taste rain again. The majority of the city has about a 20 to 30 minute drive to work. Streets are congested with SUVs. Some people may ask "well why don't you move to a better city?", but I see that as running away from the problem. I have hope and I want to be a part of the solution.

It's a Dog's Life...

How refreshed I am by the simplicity of a dog's happiness. He can be on cloud nine just simply by having a loving hand to pet his belly. The highlight of his day is an energetic game of fetch or tug. He finds true beauty in nature and stops to enjoy every single smell. He has no concept of being late for work and will not be hurried on his walk because you are - and it is a nice reminder that there is so much more to life than your time clock. Sleep is never difficult for him because his head does not fill with worry or doubt. Chewy raw hides and hollowed out bones with a smidgen of peanut butter are absolute heaven. All he needs is love and trust and he will return both unconditionally. You just know that when he looks into your eyes, that he can see your soul and he never, ever judges you.

Signs of Spring

Tips of daffodil and tulip leaves poking through the mulch are bright little rays of hope shining their shades of green against the browns and blacks of the earth.

The robin's song rejuvenates the heart.

Beams of sunshine making their way through the clouds and tree branches into bedroom windows refresh and motivate.

Calming rain cleanses and washes away the winter blues and re-energizes the earth.

A Test of Faith

A couple I know recently lost their baby. She was pregnant with a few weeks to go and suddenly, the baby was no longer alive. The details are not important, other than they are told that there was nothing that they did wrong or could have done differently.

People keep saying "Wow, talk about a test of your faith" and "We all need to pray for them". I truly, completely do not mean this in a cold, callus, unsympathetic way - but I have a hard time telling someone "my prayers are with you" or anything like that. It feels so phony to me. I want to tell them that I am so incredibly sorry for them and so sad for their loss. I want to say that my heart goes out to them. It really, absolutely truly does sadden me. I could not stop crying the entire day when I found out. BUT - I do not understand the belief that this baby is in heaven or that my "prayers" are going to help her get there. When I really think hard about it, I honestly believe that this baby has simply died. Yes, it is so incredibly sad, but telling myself that she is in heaven does not make her less dead.

These are beliefs that are so hard for people to hear. When I am in a situation where I know that I cannot express my true thoughts for fear of offending or even scaring someone (that is not an exaggeration - people find it scary), I take a little time to really ponder my beliefs - yet again. I find myself questioning what I feel deep in my gut because of how appalled people would be if I shared that with them.

I talked to Sheena about it once. She is a few years younger than me and is fading out of a "party girl" phase. She is a little bit religious, but is very private about it. When I told her that I do not believe in God or heaven or hell, she said to me "that is so sad and lonely". How so? I do not feel sad or lonely about it. I just cannot make myself believe it. And I am ok with that - until someone makes me begin to question my instincts again. Then I start this process of pondering, questioning, reasoning, and finally coming back to my original beliefs...

The Dreaminess of Fog

Oh, how I love a foggy morning! Fog has such a spell-like effect on me. I just love the way it diffuses the light of street lamps to make them look as if they were taken right out of some oldy mystery show where the narrator is the detective and he has this masculine and respectable sound that makes you feel like he would protect you from anything. When the fog lays thickly on the ground, like a soft snuggly blanket that you could laze around all day in, I have a hard time convincing myself that this is actually not such a great idea. Fogginess makes me feel like I am living in a dream-world where everything moves slowly and there is never anything important enough to warrant quick movement. I love how it makes landscapes look like paintings by Monet. When I go downtown on a foggy morning and the tops of tall buildings are lost in the fog, I get this feeling that I could probably just climb out one of those windows way up toward the top and just sit atop of the fog and watch cars and people down below. The moist-mistiness of a good dense fog feels as if it is cleansing me when I walk through it. All sounds seem distant when you are moving through this dream world. After one of those foggy-lazy days, I wonder what my life would be like if every day were like that.

Blog-o-Lists

I have always been an extremely organized person. I love to organize and categorize and list and coordinate and make sure things are just so.


My friends and family often laugh at my closet. All likes together - skirts, then pants, then tanks, then short sleeves, then 3/4 sleeves, then long sleeves, then dresses. There are also subcategories: button downs, tunics, professional attire, casual attire, etc. I do not categorize by color. I probably would, but once I have everything categorized into subcategories, there isn't necessarily enough variety of color in each subcategory to further subcategorize. LLB is the only one who doesn't laugh. And he is the complete opposite! If I did not exist, his closet would be filled on a first come first serve basis with no particular place for each item. He is so wonderful though - not only does he put my clothes away in the "right place" when he does laundry, but he does this in his own closet as well. When I do laundry, I automatically put his clothes away in this manner; but it is not because I demand it be so - it is because my mind just does things that way. I would have to make a conscious effort to NOT put things away "in order".


Numbers are also a large part of my thinking format. I count everything - steps, chews, people in lines, letters in words... It is not a must; if I am carrying on a conversation, I do not think about counting. If I am listening to music, I do not need to count. But if I am just going along all alone with time to allow my mind to wander - it just counts. I also number things. The numbers do not necessarily have any meaning. They just help me to organize the items that I am writing down. I love to read recipes and I get a bit uncomfortable with recipes that do not number the steps.


So this brings me to my love of lists.


I came across a blog that made me think "Do I have a split personality alter ego that I do not know about that also blogs?". The blog is The Secret Society of List Addicts. How did I find it? Oh, well how do you find blogs? I read in a blog that I follow that the writer basically came across it in the same way that I did - by reading about it in another blog. I could map out a diagram of how this transpired, but I will refrain and just give credit to Happy Hour...Somewhere for leading me to this blog-o-lists that I am now addicted to.

FREEBIES - WOOOHOOOO!!!!

Why do people LOOOOVE freebies? I attended a convention recently and the first x number of attendees got a free give-away. The Freebie was just a cheap, plastic tote bag filled with brochures and fliers from businesses. The total value of the Freebie was next to nothing. Especially since you could browse the convention and pick up brochures and talk to representatives from all of the businesses that had print material included in the tote. There has got to be a term for this social phenomenon. Is it even a phenomenon? Whatever it is, I don't want to say that I find it sad or pathetic - No, I just find it interesting. To get anything for free makes people feel like they've gotten one over on..... who? what? I don't know, but that is the feeling - pride, smugness, superiority. Is it a deep rooted natural instinct to take advantage of any opportunity to gain no matter what it is that is being gained?

Don't even get me started on the environmental impact of these.... The useless bag made of plastic, the sheets upon sheets of wasted paper... Ugh.

The Joy of Cooking

Cooking is so fulfilling and creative. My head fills with images of beautifully presented meals when I read recipes. Recipes are guidelines and are not meant to be taken as gospel. They often require tweaking to make them a bit more personal. I love taking old classics and spicing them up with new twists. Joy comes to me from people who are pleasantly surprised by a new taste in a dish that they thought they knew intimately. A man who has only ever known his mother's lasagna might have doors of possibilities opened for him when he suddenly realizes that there is so much more to lasagna than long, wide noodles, ricotta & mozzerella, and "red sauce". A girl who has the same fried egg with toast every morning for breakfast might become inspired in ways she did not know possible when she is shown the wonderful things you can do with eggs and toast if you use a little imagination. A dish that does not turn out quite right is a learning experience and will make the next dish you create a little bit more delicious.

The only ugly side of cooking: clean up.

My Lover

My lover is a bringer of joy. He makes me laugh in ways that one would not think possible without having experienced one's soul being tickled by it's perfect match. My lover makes me crazy. He makes me irrational. He makes me whole. My lover knows what I mean, even when I don't. He knows what I feel without being told. My lover makes me want to be the best person that I can be so that I am worthy of his love. He makes feel like I am the only woman on earth.

Silver Lining

I feel a bit sorry for people who refuse to find the silver lining. So often, a difficult situation is actually an opportunity to learn, teach, and grow. I do not understand why anyone would WANT to first look to how a situation causes them hardship, unfairness, or inconvenience. I believe that we create our own luck and that we are all responsible for our own happiness. Life is what you make of it. If you decide that it is full of sunshine, flowers and butterflies, music, and love - then that is what your life will be. I catch myself becoming defensive and upset with people and I am working to recognize those feelings before they effect my mindset. I want to be able to stop those feelings from taking over and blurring my vision. I am too often reactive rather than proactive. I use writing as an outlet for my emotions. I tend to allow myself to get worked up about things that I could be using as opportunities to learn, teach, and grow. I struggle with this. I spill my emotions all over the page or screen without first contemplating the cause of such emotions. My goal is to eventually be at such peace, that when a person presents me with an opportunity to learn their point of view and frame of reference, I will take advantage of that opportunity rather than succumb to the emotions that prevent me from learning.

Things I Love

Love, LLB, Family, Friends, Clean-Fresh Air, Flowers, Butterflies, Clean Natural Bodies of Water, Animals, Dogs (they deserve to be listed separately from animals), Music, Laughing, Dancing, Surprises, Fashion, Shoes, Purses, Earrings, Trees, Soft Things, Shimmer, Glitter, Orange Juice, Pizza, Microbrews, Local Wine, Dressing Up, Dressing Down, Comfy Clothes, Cool Grass, Hammocks, Clouds, Fall, Spring, Summer, Winter, Meeting New Friends, Cyber Stalking My Friends (hahaha, inside joke :)), Teaching My Dog New Skills, Wedding Planning, Being Creative, Making Things, Cooking, Baking, Learning, Feeling Empowered, Movies, Recycling, Finding Ways to Reduce Waste, Blankets, Chili, Sugar Snap Peas, Homemade Ice Cream, Coffee, Tea, Mint, Snuggling, Fresh Snow, Summer Rain, A Clear Starry Night Sky, Architecture, Old Houses, Historic Districts, Festivals, Concerts, Cookouts, Non-Smoking Bars, Collections, Scarves, Photography, Sunsets & Sunrises, Geology, Organics, Compost (ultimate cradle to cradle), Reading, Outdoor Restaurants, Ampitheaters, Picnics, Games, Sleeping In, A Successful Career, Being a Strong & Respected Woman in a Male Dominated Field of Work, Dreaming, Writing, Reflecting, Gardens, Birds Singing Outside of my Bedroom Window, Fireplaces, Natural Stone, MP3s, Inside Jokes, Comedy, Feeling Pretty, Cheesecake, Stained Glass, Libraries, Pineapple, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Skirts, Nature, Science, Post Secret, Burt's Bees, Fluffy Pillows, Intelligence

Oh yeah, and blogging... :oD

waste not, want not

I have a very hard time understanding why people waste. I mean we all could do a better job of minimizing the amount of trash we create, but most people are just so very mindless of the waste they create. All of the grocery stores in this city sell reusable shopping bags - all of them. Yet, every time I get groceries, there are so many people that say "plastic please". Ok, it might be hard to remember the bags when you first get them. But if it is a priority to you, you WILL remember. If it is something you care about, you WILL remember! So why don't people care about reducing the amount of those disgusting plastic bags that are flying all around the city making this place seem trashy? Honestly, there is a grocery store every couple of blocks, so if you get to the store and realize that you have forgotten your bags, is it really that hard to just go back home and get them? I mean, I understand that taking the trip back home is also wasteful, but if you make it MORE inconvenient to forget your bags than it is to remember you bags, you will be so much less likely to forget them.

Oh, and disposable drinking containers - plastic water bottles and paper coffee cups! How horrible are these objects??? What, you are too cheap to buy a $3 travel mug to put your $5 dollar Starbucks in? And bottled water - ridiculous! The water in this city is so clean, it is actually cleaner than bottled water - so that is NOT an excuse. Oh, ok, so it is convenient. How lazy are we as a society that we need to be able to purchase a portable container of water at absolutely every public place we may frequent? If you are really in that bad of need of constant access to drinking water, just bring a reusable bottle along!

Do NOT even get me started on people who just flat our refuse to recycle! We get recycle containers that are emptied by the city - CURBSIDE! How much more convenient can it get? But it is unbelievable how often people will use the excuse "I just don't ever think about it.". Seriously? That big yellow bin that the city provides you with doesn't jog your memory??? And then there are people that say "Why would I recycle? They don't give you any incentive.". Ok, well reducing the amount of landfill used to store your discarded aluminum cans isn't incentive enough? How selfish have we become? Do people ever do things because they are the right thing to do?

religion, or lack thereof

I do not believe in god(s). I do not believe in a "higher power". I would never consider myself to be "dark" or "edgy", I just don't see the logic in religion. I think that religion is a great thing, because it makes a lot of people happy and brings people together. It gives so many people a reason to be "good" people. But I still don't see the logic. The best way that I know how to explain what I believe is to say that I believe in nature and science. I believe that nature is so incredibly complex and perfect and that everything in nature effects everything else. I believe that the things that cause us to ask "why would this happen to me?" are self inflicted pains and injuries. I believe that if all people were good to all of nature, so many of the worlds problems would not exist. There are things in nature that are difficult to accept; things such as cute little furry creatures getting eaten by slithery, scaly scary looking creatures. But I am OK with every piece of nature having it's place and role to play. I guess that is easy for me to say because I am not prey.....

spring is the best

I am getting really antsy for spring to get here. That is the absolute best time of the year. Everything feels so clean and fresh and new and beautiful. The best is when you are laying in bed on a Sunday morning and sunlight is coming in the windows and you hear birds singing. This is the perfect way to wake up. It is so exciting to see everything starting to grow. I am always surprised by the flowers. Somehow I forget what bulbs I have planted just 6 months ago. The rain in spring is so cleansing. Even the terrible thunderstorms that cause the power to go out and terrify my dog are wonderful. Don't get me wrong - I am heartbroken when my dog is terrified. I just feel that he needs to learn to appreciate a good thunderstorm. Tornadoes are the one thing that I dislike about spring. They really scare me. I have been in a few and have been incredibly fortunate not to have ever had any bad experiences with them (other than being scared during).

My gardens have been coming in a little bit better each year we are in this house. Last year I planted quite a few new things. My lovely plants include: lilacs, phlox, daffodils, tulips, hyacinths, day lilies, balloon flowers, fox glove, butterfly bush, astilbe, poppies, mini hollyhocks, hostas, hydrangeas, hens and chicks, bleeding hearts..... That is all I can think of. Pictures will definitely be posted.

Politics in the Workplace

Ok, I just want to start by saying that I love my job. I work for a great company that does A LOT for it's employees and I work with a bunch of good people. BUT (I know you were expecting that) so many of the people I work with are just plain clueless.

My immediate supervisor (aka My Boss) is such an arrogant, self righteous ass. He is the kind of person that always needs validation and always needs to be "right". If you have an idea that you bring to the table, he will talk around it and bring it back to something he thought of. How insecure must he be that he can't just say "That's a good idea, I'm glad you thought of it. I am going to let you implement that idea in whatever way you think is best."????? He just can NOT allow someone to have a thought that he didn't think first or allow someone to do something without having a better way of doing it.

Some of the other people I work with are these far right conservatives that have no clue when it comes to politics or current events. They simply regurgitate rhetoric, rumors, hearsay, and propaganda and seem to honestly believe that what they are saying should be taken as FACT. I am not the type to talk about something as if I am an expert when I have not taken the time to research the topic. Some of these guys will go on and on about how a particular issue is "a farce" and "a political ploy" and other buzzwords that you might hear if you listen to Rush Limbaugh or Glenn Beck or some other far right idiot on a daily basis. Yet, if you ask them why they think that, they have no REAL reason. The only explanation they can give you is that this is what makes sense or this is what "so and so" says. Well then - if your EXPERT and HIGHLY EVOLVED intuition tells you that scientists are just plain wrong, it must be correct!

But what can I do? Like I said, I love my job. I go to this place every day and pretend to have no interest in politics so that I do not have to partake in these ridiculous conversations. I say that I did not watch the debates or the inauguration or the latest address just so that I do not have to hear what anyone has to say about it. If they only knew....

hi, this is me

My whole life, I have been told that I am beautiful. When I was a little girl, people would tell my parents that I was beautiful; when I was a preteen and teen I was told all the time that I should get into modeling. I have never felt like this person. It's not that I feel ugly - I don't feel UGLY, necessarily. I just do NOT feel beautiful. I have certain features that I know are pretty - my hair and my eyes. But I have acne, I have dandruff (if I don't use the right shampoo), I have stained teeth from coffee and cigarettes (which I do not smoke anymore), I have small boobs and a poochey belly, I have flabby arms and I have thigh cellulite.

I have never had the confidence of a "beautiful girl" either. I have always felt socially awkward, like I never quite fit in with any "clique" or "social set". I am not girly enough, sporty enough, nice enough, outgoing enough, snobby enough, rich enough, poor enough, smart enough, dumb enough, or anything enough to fit in anywhere. No matter what group of people I am with, I am just a little bit different. Just enough that I just don't quite fit.

So this is me. Average, common, nothing special.